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| Shifting.I've been at high gear for the past few months. First it was second job at EMS, then it was more time with a new guy in my life and now it's law school apps (for real this time) and a quick trip to KS/MO/NE/IO. I don't know how I fit it in and I want more.
I got back on Monday night--I was expecting midnight but there was a mix-up with my ticket and I got home so much earlier. Apparently I bought a return ticket for Sunday rather than Monday--so imagine my surprise as I stand at the ticket counter with bags in hand and the ticket man (Glenn H) breaks this to me. But I didn't panic as he stared into the screen and before I knew it I was on the 1PM flight to OHare and on my way to Boston. Phew.
Then a full day at work Tuesday both at FH and at EMS. And NG didn't want to hang out which was just as well 'cause 12 hrs at full speed is enough. I did run into BH though, my next door neighbor who is bussing at a Best of Boston restaurant up the street from us. Which makes me feel better about myself as my org interviews people younger than me for manager positions. Eeek. Grad school, grad school, grad school. Not only that but if this all falls through maybe the office life is not for me. New Zealand? Iceland? I could go to massage school and travel the world.
Wednesday night and it's time to make the cupcakes. Vegan chocolate with peanut butter frosting. I think this one will turn out so much better than my first try at vegan baking since I'm using wheat this time. Wheat free vegan--not so good!
So house warming and then work all weekend and my southern belle heads to the UK for two weeks and I've planned--with EMS friends--an overnight Presidential Traverse up in the White Mts in NH. I'm stoked. Ideally it will be GOOD WEATHER. Hike up Madison Friday afternoon in time for sunset and then hit peak after peak above the tree line under a full moon until sunrise. Did I mention how stoked I am??
Eli is doing beautifully, I took TONS of photos of him and only one of the two of us--but we are both beaming, well kinda. My brother and sister-in-law? Well they are in an interesting place and maybe staying longer than I expected. My visit was good though, it helps getting to see Anna and especially Molly to build me up and I also think short visits are the way to go.
Okay, I'm off to buy a bittie something for Eli before cupcake time.
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| cheesy and in not my own words
I wasn't looking to shift my direction
My eyes straight ahead hands ten and two
The gravity of our first connection
Veering off the road and into you
All the people drive by slowly gawking at the scene
Of the smoldering inevitable spark and gasoline
All the way I met you head on full speed
At the heart the blue flames burns
All the way I took the crash course impact
But have I learned all that I'm supposed to learn
No amount of playing safe could save me from this day
The head seeking path of my trajectory
Didn't we coolly divest of predestination
Slamming into futures we can't see
I know what can happen when there's more than meets the eye
But there's no way to avoid it just get in the car and drive
All the way I met you head on full speed
At the heart the blue flame burns
All the way the crash course impact
But have I learned all that I'm supposed to learn
It makes me laugh talking over tea
When I can still smell the smoke on my sleeve
Steaming like gunsmoke the wreckage of our past
The scene of a crime I still can't leave
Oh you and me, we should let well enough be
But each revisitation points to clues
There's the oilslick of uncertainty
And warning signs back there we didn't use
At least we laugh about it now how we escaped alive
It's remarkable the mess we make and what we can survive
All The Way, Indigo Girls
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| two weeks later, and too much has happened.Way too much in two weeks. It's March now and I would give anything to go back to February and make my decisions differently. Anything.
As it stands now, my JP community has dried up stupidly--and sooner than necessary. I guess I didn't need the toothbrush after all.
Lent is a time for new beginnings though and while I've given up JP, I'm taking on new things. Tuesday nights Acts Bible study--which makes me swallow hard 'cause it's like the last thing ever I would want to do. But Oprah's positive thinker says you have to surround yourself with what you want for yourself. Lose weight? Stay away from fat people. So every Tuesday I go and surround myself with young, straight, slightly hippie married Christians.
I think EW is going to help me dread my hair too, she's part of the
Tuesday contingent and I see her on Wednesdays too. It'll be good to
have help. Now if I can only find the right approach to take with my
workplace.
Mondays in Cambridge, Tuesdays studying Acts, Wednesdays at YES,
Thursdays on the treadmill--that leaves little time for a second job
that I've been mulling over. But YES will dry up at the end of March
and there will be rearranging to be done.
Molly comes this weekend and I could not be more thrilled. I've missed her arms, her voice, her laughter, and the sparkle in her eyes. We're not close like we were but I know we still speak the same language, and its full of words that I haven't heard, that I miss, and that I can't wait to hear from her.
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| November December January FebruaryFour months and not an incredible amount has happened. Four months and I am still having dinners at Eustis St, still volunteering with YESKids, still on my fixed gear and sadder still, still avoiding issues in my life that need resolutions.
I've taken steps in the right direction to change though--wrote a letter, stayed up in bed, made the decision to apply to law school for sure this fall, and found a second job. Baby steps, but any steps are good ones in my book.
Yesterday was a Mt. day with YES, I chaperoned with kids from the Murphy School in Dorchester--lots of white kids with thick accents. My third time on Skis and I still am not close to making it down a green slope without falling on my /face/. I fell four times I think--and it's quite a tumble when you are going so fast. It feels fast to me anyhow. DT pops up in my mind, a Junior Olympic rated skier and friend of mine, and I can't even imagine what he does and how fast he does it.
Tomorrow will be a mt. day as well, Black Mt for the day. Another day of skiing and this time the W's will be on the trip as well. I got reintroduced to Matt W and his new wife Elin W as they volunteer with YES and have remained close with Timmy and Katie C. Turns out they live literally down the street from my girls on Forrest Hills Ave. What a neighborhood.
Speaking of neighborhood, I ran into Nate F and Stig totally working the corner at Beacon and Harvard in Coolidge. Ha! They were in town together for a film and we chatted away, I was leaning on my bike and totally fell on my ass while talking to them. Bizarre.
Nate's interested in the soon to be empty room next to mine and I hope it works out--though it will be interesting...He's a real .character. and a total guy. Such a change from the people I am normally with.
I've been spending so much time at the Forrest Hills place that Julie gave me a toothbrush. Her bed's the best, Brenda's room is always so cold, and I need clothes there so I don't always have to be taking B's--not to mention underwear.
With the fall fast approaching I'm starting to think of my own apt plans--whether to stay in my Bkline place or move to Cambridge (Eustis St is going to Inman, though Zach is staying where he is), or even JP. With B and Leah off to grad school, Julie will be left alone but maybe she'll choose KK's place. I don't think I could live with her anyway. My JP community will be drying up soon.
Things that are making me happy include my BailyWorks bag (as always), being YouTube free for lent, SamPo on my buddy list, vegan cupcake baking, Urban's fifty percent off fifty percent (though that made me broke too), really detailed itineraries, my boss not going to Atlanta between her NY and LA trips, my bike Jack, MSCL, seeing BenMo after years and years and getting to hear how he hates being queer 'cause gay sex is gross while businessmen overhear, dreddy Amy moving back to town, BK's bday tonight and maybe I'll stop by shine on my way home...
But I have a Mt day tomorrow, so I have to get up early and I can't let my concentration slip. Four months and I'm still here but fortunately the four months was full of incredibility.
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| falling asleep was easy.so many great moments this weekend
learning dt and bk were to spend qtt--so necessary for centering.
there both such great people, i forget. and i'm on dt's calendar
for the wk after tday, and he's legal now
winning the .lottery. at work--fifth row at the celtics game in two hours
mass messaging friends and getting some many sweet things back that it's almost like a big hug--or lick
zatch got the job with the professor at harvrad, amazing benefits like
a wk off at christmas and he's set. also makes more than me, but
who keeps track? he's happy--that is what counts. the prof
was one of the first black graduates of big name medical school and is
writing his memoirs.
after the game, we lingered and rocked to the beats of some drummers
outside of n station. i took a vid and watched as young boys
worked up the nerve to dance. first the black kids crumped and
then the white kids--well it wasn't really dancing but it was a fun
public space.
the next day i had my first brunch experience at johnny ds in
davis. a long bike ride through the congestion of the coming
harvard yale game and chilly hands--but a beautiful day. b and i
went up to the north shore, her first trip to halibut point and seafood
afterwards.
b went to bed /early/ and i went on to z's apartment. matt d
cooked dinner and nfrank bitched about this soire we were meant to
attend at his place, right around the corner.
we were drinking straight manhattans--my first time and i was expecting
to get sick or at least drunk. neither happened. a happy
drunk walked by the steps and related his disappointment as yale
won--mit streaked.
z disappeared and i got cranky. matt d's gf showed up with a
glowing necklace and walked back with us. i tryed to get comfy in
noyes's bed, listening to i&w, but it took all of thirty seconds to
realize i needed to get out.
biking past midnight is a blessing i made it to my house with no
problem--having left most of my books from the day at the
apartment. i decided to continue on to cleveland--the best bike
ride, my own newly repaved lane and it's a level trip. and guys
leaning out asking, hey is that a fixed gear--yeah i say too
quickly. bravo he says before we ride off in separate directions.
falling asleep was easy.
waking up to go climbing was not. i didn't get anything done, just barely made it to kenmore for my ride at 11 am.
nic had said a couple of hours but it was dark before we left. i
bouldered, passed my safety test, banged my knee good, and
top-roped--ooh and am totally addicted. we left for dinner at
sunset, right next to my gym, and i ate quickly, made apologies and
left as they were all still talking rocks.
i dropped my stuff off at my gym, thinking i should go to work to fax
my boss but i called her instead. check. a hot tub
soak. check.
falling asleep was easy. and waking up to a two day week, easy.
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